Saturday, October 12, 2013
A Play Called Autumn
Let’s listen in as the Director of “A Play Called Autumn” conducts a rehearsal.
Director: Queue up the asters for the opening number. And action! (Music plays, asters dance onto center stage with bees and butterflies.) Cut, cut, cut! Where did you get these asters? They are as tall as giraffes!
Assistant Director: Yeah, about their height. It seems the gardener forget to cut them back in late May so they are taller than normal.
Director: They are ruining the opening number. The bees and butterflies can barely reach the flowers. Sigh. Okay, send them back and let’s try something different for the opening number. Bring out the garden fairies and let’s have a big splashy opening with them leaf surfing on the falling leaves.
Producer: We can’t. The leaves haven’t turned yet and we don’t have a budget for fake leaves.
Director: Fine. Let’s use the honey locust leaves. They're turning yellow and falling now.
Producer: We can’t. The leaves are too small making it too difficult for the garden fairies to catch hold of them as they fall. The liability insurance alone would put us in the red.
Director: Sigh. Okay, Let’s see. I know. Let’s practice our big number in the vegetable garden. Someone go get Granny Gus McGarden.
Assistant Director: Granny won’t come out of her dressing room. She says the paths in the vegetable garden are too weedy and she just cannot work under these conditions. The union is backing her on this one.
Director: Then get someone out there to clear out those weeds! In the meantime, get the Halloween Hare out here to practice his big scene.
Producer: Can’t. We only signed the Halloween Hare for one night so he isn’t here yet. Last I heard he was on a beach with the Great Pumpkin waiting for Halloween.
Director: This is impossible. How are we supposed to put on A Play Called Autumn with all these problems. Okay, let’s see if we can salvage this production with the rose hips.
Assistant Director: They won’t come out of their dressing rooms, either. Seems they think their hips are too big.
Director: Too big? Then tell me, just who can I get to practice a scene now?
Assistant Director: How about Jack Frost?
Director: Okay, good idea. Jack, stand right there and when I yell “Action”, you run across the garden spreading some frost. And action!
(Jack Frost steps forward, stops and declares he is just not ready.)
Director: Cut! What is going on with Jack?
Assistant Director: He’s having some issues.
Director: Yes, I can see that. But this is his time! We need him. I can’t believe it. Can you go get Dr. Hortfreud and have her talk to him?
Assistant Director: Can’t. She says she is too busy counseling that gardener who forgot to cut back the asters in May. Apparently that has created some kind of crisis for her.
Director: Sigh. Then you talk to Jack and convince him to do this scene!
Assistant Director: Me? I’m afraid I’d blow it and Jack would go from frost and freeze straight to snow and ice. I think we’d better just wait until he is ready on his own.
Director: Okay, let’s call it a day and just enjoy the weather we have for now. Everyone go home, get some rest and come back tomorrow ready to go for “A Play Called Autumn”. We don't have much time left!