Types of Wanna Be Gardeners

In response to my recent posts about hiring a landscaper to do some heavy duty digging, my youngest sister commented, "Soon it will become easier and easier to let others do this and that, and before you know it, you'll be a porch potato gardener."

Was she accusing me of getting lazy about doing my own gardening?

I assure you that this is the only "potato" on my porch, an ornamental sweet potato vine, Ipomoea batatas 'Sweet Caroline Bronze'.

My sister's comment does remind me that there are several types of "wanna be" gardeners, including:

The afore-mentioned "Porch Potato Gardener". A person who sits on their porch and mostly watches as others do the gardening, including everything from mowing the lawn to mulching, planting, and trimming. Perish the thought that I should ever become such a gardener!

The "Point and Tell 'em Where to Plant It Gardener". A person who gets off the porch and out in to the garden but doesn't do the actual work. They let others do all the dirty work, and then they follow along a few months later and delicately cut a few flowers to take inside. These people tend to read all about plants and know what they want in their garden and where they want it, they just let others do the actual planting. They have no grass stains on their jeans.

The "Plant and Fizzle Gardener". A person who gets all wild-eyed and garden-happy in the spring and spends time planting annuals and filling containers with all kinds of plants, but then loses interest and fizzles out like a dud firecracker around the 4th of July, when it starts to get all hot and buggy outside. These people might also own boats and campers and just end up leaving the garden right around the time when it needs some attention to make it through the summer.

The "Plant and Vegetate Gardener". A person who is similiar to the "Plant and Fizzle" gardener except they plant up a big vegetable garden, but then let it be overtaken by weeds and rabbits and never end up harvesting anything that they can eat. I think this is the kind of gardener that homeowners' associations are trying to stop when they put in their covenants "no gardens".

The "Wrong Season Gardener". A person who sees tulips in the spring and searches garden centers for tulips to plant right then. They don't know enough about plants to realize tulip bulbs are planted in the fall. However, isn't it nice that the nursery industry is accomodating them by now selling pots of tulips ready for spring planting?

The "Too Small Gardener". A person who has the right idea but for some reason every bed and plant border they dig is too small or too narrow. They are enthusiastic but don't think on a big enough scale. They may dig a planting strip in front of their house that is only a foot wide, and if they mulch around trees, they do so with a ring of mulch that extends out six inches from the trunk of the tiny little tree they planted. This is probably someone who can be 'saved', who can be coached and mentored to become a real gardener.

I suspect that any person reading this post is NOT one of these types of gardeners. You all are enthusiastic gardening geeks who do most of your own gardening (as long as you are physically able to do so).

But every once in a while, wouldn't it be nice to sit on a bench on the porch and watch someone else do the heavy lifting and digging?