
The possibility of getting some free cuttings or seeds? No! And don’t even ask. It’s against the unwritten rules of garden visiting to ask for cuttings, divisions, plants or seeds.
What? You don’t know the rules for passalong plants? Let me go over those quickly because if you don’t follow the rules, the passalong plant may not grow in your garden.
First, never, ever, ask the gardener for seeds or cuttings or plants when you visit their garden. If so inclined, the gardener may offer you something, but they are under no obligation to do so.
Second, never, ever, thank the giver for the plant. You can say something like “that will be a nice edition to my grass collection”, or “I’ll put this cactus under a window to make it burglar safe”. Or you could say “I’ll return the favor when you visit my garden.”
Just don’t say “thank you”. Saying “thank you” keeps the plant from thriving.
So what is the best thing about visiting another gardener’s garden?
It’s meeting the gardener who tends that garden!
When you meet the gardener in their own garden, you learn so much more about the garden than if you just walked around and viewed the garden on your own. It’s a chance for the gardener to tell you about not only the plants, soil, accents, etc., but also the stories of the garden.
They can tell you about how the garden was created, what they want it to be, how it looked yesterday and how it will look tomorrow. They can tell you about what they love in their garden, their favorite spot in the morning and their favorite spot in the evening.
There are just a few things to keep in mind when you visit another gardener’s garden.
Let the gardener lead you through the garden. Don’t rush ahead. Stroll beside or behind the gardener at a leisurely pace. Stay on the paths or in the lawn.
If you are a plant toucher (I am), hold your hands together to keep from instinctively reaching out and touching a plant, like you do in your own garden.
It should go without saying, no snipping a little cutting, taking a seed, tasting a vegetable or picking a flower without the permission of the gardener. In fact, these gifts of the garden should come from the gardener’s own hand and not by your efforts. (see above).
Don’t point out weeds or reach down to pull a weed. Are you sure it’s a weed? It’s not your garden, so leave it alone.
Don’t suggest what you would do differently, unless asked for your opinion or if the gardener invited you to visit to offer suggestions. Avoid asking the “why” questions like “why did you plant that”?
Ask before you take pictures or post about the garden on your blog.
Compliment honestly and freely and effusively. There is always something good to find in any gardener’s garden.
Finally, always remember that it is a privilege to visit another gardener’s garden.
A gardener's garden is often a highly personal space, even a private space, and always a special place. The gardener is letting you into their world, letting their guard down. Their garden is their creation. They are like a painter who, after hours spent behind an easel with their painting hidden from the eyes of others, finally turns the canvas around so others can see it.
(Oh, and one other thing to remember when visiting another gardener's garden. If you believe in garden fairies, never try to coax another gardener's garden fairies to leave with you to live in your own garden. Garden fairies turn quite mischievious under those circumstances and eventually go back to the garden they came from, anyway.)
Comments
Very delightful post...and so true a garden is a gardener's personal canvas.
Thanks for a good read!
Gail
Brenda
I love the comparison to a painter. I've always thought of a new garden as a blank canvas (I knew I wasn't the first person to think of that!). Since I have no artistic ability at all, gardening gives me a chance to be creative and create my own work of art.
I would be honored to stroll your garden. And I would definitely refrain from weed-pulling. Also, I would help you scare the heck out of those wascally wabbits.
Carol
terra Nova Design
Especially the one about garden fairies :-)
SuzyQ, Keep in mind these "rules" like all rules related to gardening are far from "hard and fast". There may be exceptions, there will be exceptions!
Brenda Kula, I agree that a gardener's garden reveals a lot about them.
Kathy, I like that last line, I would never dust someone's house, so why weed their garden?
Rose, Good point. We learn SO MUCH when we visit a gardener's garden.
Lisa at Greenbow, Good point about transporting garden fairies across state lines... bad idea. We wish you were coming to Austin.
Rusty in Miami, Don't tell anyone, but I've broken some of these "rules", too.
Mary, You could bring your dogs to help get rid of the rabbits. I let me sister bring her new puppy over yesterday. We'll see if it keeps the rabbits away.
Cabs, Yes there are ways to say "thank you" without actually using those two words.
Gina, I'll keep 'em coming as long as you don't try too hard to follow them "to the the letter". Depending on circumstances, rules sometimes must be broken.
Verobirdie, Yes, the garden fairy rule may be the most important one of all.
Thanks all for the comments,
Carol, May Dreams Gardens
And yet I feel less anxious knowing that the visitors are gardeners themselves, and will forgive a few weeds or bare places where a plant died or hasn't filled in, where the dream of the garden is greater than the garden itself.
And thanks for laying out the rules, though I admit to having broken two of them myself: not saying thank you for seeds or cuttings (so hard!) and not touching without permission. I'm a toucher too.
Pam/digging, I love your comment.. "where the dream of the garden is greater than the garden itself." If you visit a garden without the gardener, that's what you miss, hearing about the dream of the garden. I know I'll end up breaking a few "rules" myself, especially the touching one. It's such an automatic reflex, to reach out and touch the plants. Stop me if I'm going to touch something that will bite back!
Not only was this an entertaining post but I DO appreciate 'your take' on the unwritten rules. I've never asked for a cutting but I've certainly been tempted. Most gardeners are quite generous with cuttings.
After reading one of my recent posts a friend of mine commented (in person) how they wished they had African Iris growing in their garden.Of course I immediately offered they come get some from my garden. You can imagine how tickled I was when they actually came to my house and we dug together for her to propagate them in her garden. What a treasure. It means so much more when I remember who gave me what plant. Anyway, I could go on and on ... oops I think I've already done that.
Great POST!!!!
Meems @Hoe&Shovel
Do these rules apply to sisters?? I've had some major violations then, haven't I?
Sherry
Frances
Thank you so much for reminding us of the proper garden visiting etiquette. I do have one question, however. You specified that we should never pull a weed (in case it's not a weed) from another's garden, but what about public gardens? I often find myself overwhelmed by and unable to control the urge to pluck out any offending weeds that catch my eye! When is it okay to pull a weed from a garden that is not your own?
Cathy