A Gardener’s Guide to Talking to Santa Claus

You know you need to do it, you want to do it. You are biding your time, waiting for a day when the kids are in school, waiting for a moment to present itself when he is all alone.

When that moment happens, don’t blow it. Be ready. Be prepared. You don’t want to rush, to appear greedy, as though this is all about you.

You want to speak clearly, make your needs and wants and deepest desires known so that your holidays are not marred by a blown opportunity.

In that spirit, I present…

A Gardener’s Guide to Talking to Santa Claus

Plan ahead. Write down what it is you want so you don’t forget when it is your turn to do the asking.

Be specific. If you really, honestly, unequivocally want a pile of mulch for Christmas, make sure to specify what kind, how much and perhaps most importantly, when you want it delivered. Explain to Santa that while you want the mulch, you would like him to deliver it in April or May. After all, you don’t want to be the one who grounded his sleigh on Christmas Eve because you wanted a couple of tons of compost!

Ask for tools. Don’t be a fool! Christmas is the perfect time to ask for gardening tools. Some are even small enough to hide under the tree. May I suggest Felco pruners if you don’t already have a pair, a Hoe*Dag made in Idaho or perhaps a Cobrahead hand weeder? Maybe some Jollys garden shoes?

Remember the seasons. As we all know, Santa comes just as winter takes a firm grip on the garden so be careful asking for plants, seeds, and bulbs that are best acquired in spring, summer, or fall. If you really, really want them, ask Santa for coupons for them and an iron-clad guarantee that he’ll provide them at the appropriate time.

Consider others. It is just as good to give as it is to receive, so offer Santa Claus some ideas of what other gardeners might like or what he might get for some of his elves.

Skip the jokes. Santa has heard all the “hoe hoe hoe” jokes already. Trust me, he has.

Inquire after the Christmas Cottontail. Ask how the elves and reindeers and Mrs. Claus are doing, too. Santa appreciates people being concerned for his well-being and the well-being of those close to him.

Give Santa a gift from your garden. If you have some good jams, jellies, or other preserves made from the produce of your own garden, you might take Santa some, not as a bribe, but as a gift. He looks like he likes good food. Others on your list might also like something from your garden or for their garden.

In fact, give all gardening related gifts this year! ‘Tis the season, spread the love of gardening!


OK, I have my list. Thanks for the advice on the Santa jokes...I guess it's hard to be original with hoe, hoe, hoe. No matter how you arrange them, it comes out the same ;~\
Good idea to give a gift to the big man too. Merry Advent.~~Dee
David Perry said…
Picture me grinning. Thanks for the fun . . .
Liza said…
Haha, you're funny! I love garden gifts, too. Thanks, fellow Hoosier (I'm technically not one anymore, but 20+ years there in my formative years means I will always be a Hoosier at heart - I don't care what anyone says, midwesterners are awesome!).
Dear Carol, I like the 'be specific' advice. I've been dropping hints but it isn't enough is it? Pamela x
Excellent advice for talking with Santa Baby, I mean Santa Claus.
Anonymous said…
Santa Baby, Lisa is funny! All good ideas, Carol, but no mention of those cookies and milk, including the carrot for Rudolf on Christmas Eve. Good idea or bad idea? I am making my list now, and checking it twice. :-)
Anonymous said…
I find if you come right out and ask for gifts like detail the car or paint the bathroom sometimes they actually get done. I will have to think of some similar garden oriented gifts. Funny post, Carolyn
Commonweeder said…
You are endlessly wise. And it is wisdom to remember Santa's needs and desires at this time of year too. Consideration doesn't have to end with cookies and milk.
Rose said…
I can just see you greeting everyone this time of year with your favorite "hoe, hoe, hoe," Carol:)

I'm not taking any chances this year--most of my family just isn't into gardening and usually ignores my gift suggestions. So I'm headed to my favorite nursery's open house tomorrow--they're tacking on an extra 20% to every gift certificate. Now I just have to figure out how much Santa can afford to give me:)
Unknown said…
Thank you for the advice, I will be ready for Santa Claus.
Hoe, Hoe, Hoe !!!!!
Dang, I really wanted to spring one of those "Hoe, hoe, hoe" jokes. ;^)
Unknown said…
Hilarious! I was daydreaming earlier of the gardening gifts I want to add to my Christmas wish list. One of the best gifts I received under the tree was my coveted Felco #2's! Great post!
Anonymous said…
So funny and give Santa some jam. After all the toys will be all sticky soon enough anyway.
irvin said…
Another great post Carol. You are good. And consistent.
Lydia said…
Oh, and if you send Mr. Santa your list, make sure you send it to his most recent email address or even Mrs. Claus might find out her list went to the spam folder (oye vey).
Dang, I needed this list last night. Hopefully Santa will pull through. :)
Ivynettle said…
It's kind of odd to see Felco pruners recommended by someone on the other side of the world from me. When I started my apprenticeship, I was told that these were the only pruners worth anything, and never to show up at vocational school with any other brand - I'd be laughed at. But I had no idea they were known across the Pond, too.
Wonderful suggestions Carol! I sit Santa who has heard too many hoe hoe hoe jokes...or the diva of hoes?
ennuideluxe said…
Wonderful! I think I'm going to link Santa to this blog post right now... ;)